


Skidding Down the Sliding Scale (Edna McCoy's Guide to Parenting Remix)

by a_q



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Background Relationships, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 03:54:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4691084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_q/pseuds/a_q
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a complicated thing, dating Alex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Skidding Down the Sliding Scale (Edna McCoy's Guide to Parenting Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [keire_ke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/keire_ke/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Skidding Down the Sliding Scale](https://archiveofourown.org/works/272703) by [keire_ke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/keire_ke/pseuds/keire_ke). 



> Edna McCoy is Hank's mother according to wikipedia. Everything else about her is wildly made up.

”This is me,” Hank said and tried to disentangle himself from Alex's hold. Easier said than done, when Alex was hanging on his side like a vine. Hank was ready to admit that Alex looked comfortable there, and it was a shame to force him to let go, but soon the first dog walkers would be on the move. Hank didn't want to be the source of the Sunday morning gossip.  
  
Though, the story of Mr. Xavier with Alex's dad at the car wash might run the gossip mill today, maybe all week.  
  
Hank jostled Alex, who had started to doze off against his shoulder.  
  
”What?”  
  
”That's my house,” Hank repeated, slow and clear.  
  
”Huh.” Alex nodded and the movement almost send him sprawling to the pavement. Hank clutched him tighter to his side.  
  
”You want me to walk you home?” Hank asked. He doubted Alex would manage the short distance without giving in the temptation and laying down to take a nap right on the sidewalk.  
  
“Hey, I walked you home, if anything. Nah, I got it. Good night, bozo,” Alex said with a grin and that made Hank smile, even though he hated that nickname.  
  
“Good morning, more like,” Hank said. Alex waved his hand in reply and continued down the road, bit unsteady but at least he was headed to the right direction.  
  
The front door was unlocked and Hank walked straight to the kitchen, pulling a chair and sitting down.  
  
"Good morning Henry," mom said much too cheerfully and slid a plate full of dry toast and scrambled eggs in front of him, adding a glass full of orange soda next to it before sitting down across him.  
  
“Hangover food, thank goodness,” Hank sighed and reached for the fork.

“No, thank _you_ for calling in advantage that you planned to act like a dumb teenager for the night,” mom said, pouring a dash of milk to her tea. She was wearing her gardening clothes, hair pulled up and a smudge of dirt on her forehead. Mom had been up for few hours then.  
  
“You got dirt on your face,” Hank said. “Insomnia again?”  
  
“And your face is bright pink,” mom said, sidestepping the question. “Sunscreen Henry, sunscreen. It's the key for not to turn into your grandma Betty. Also, avoid bingo parlors, loose men and excessive drinking.” Mom glanced at him pointedly and Hank shrugged.  
  
“Two shots of vodka, max. It's hardly the same as gran's Punch Bowl Incident from the last summer.”  
  
“Sure. Ever heard of a slippery slope?”  
  
Hank smiled and dug in to his eggs. It was the perfect combination. The soft, fluffy eggs, crispy toast and the fizzy sweetness of the soda. Hank congratulated himself again for listening gran on this thing. Mom didn't want to admit it, but ol' gran knew her game.

“I think Alex had more than two shots of vodka, thought,” mom said. “Are you sure he'll make home alright?”  
  
“He was upset,” Hank said. “You know how he gets. He'll be fine.”  
  
“Something happened at the car wash thing? Event? What did you call it?”  
  
Hank considered briefly about not telling her about what had happened, but it wouldn't work. Mom was considered eccentric, but that didn't mean she was out of the gossip loop. Hank took a fortifying gulp of the soda and sighed.  
  
“Alex's dad spent his time flirting with Mr. Xavier. Alex didn't take it well, I suppose.”  
  
“Erik flirting with someone, or Erik flirting with your teacher?”  
  
“I don't know. It sounded more like...” Hank twirled the glass around, watching the bright orange liquid slosh back and forth. “That he was upset that his dad might be gay.”  
  
“Hm. Bisexual, more like it,” mom said, pondering the idea. She didn't sound surprised, only curious. But mom was sharp, and she loved puzzles. Nothing were as intriguing puzzles as people, she liked to say.  
  
“I don't think he objected the word choice,” Hank said. “I suppose the problem was in the whole...concept.”  
  
Mom fixed a hard stare at him. “Did Alex say something rude? Because I will smack him around the ears if he did. No one insults my baby!”

“Thanks for the baby comment, mom,” Hank said, picking apart a piece of toast. “You don't have to worry about it, I know Alex. He says dumb shit all the time, but it doesn't mean anything. His mouth just moves faster than his brain, you know how it is.”  
  
“Sure, I dated my share of jackasses back in the day. Though I had hoped you didn't inherit my taste in men, but at least you got my good looks.” Mom got up and took her tea cup in the sink. “Put some aloe vera on your face, take an aspirin and go take a nap, I'll wake you up when the lunch is ready.” She walked past him and pecked a quick kiss on the top of his head.  
  
“You should try to sleep too, you know. Few hours a night isn't good enough,” Hank said.  
  
“Ah, don't you worry about me. I'll sleep better when your dad gets back from his business trip,” she said. “You know how it is. Too quiet to sleep alone. I'll be in the garden, and try not to barf on the carpet. Get a bucket, or something.”  
  
“Great, good to know, thanks,” Hank muttered, gulping down the soda. He certainly didn't want to think about vomiting right now.  
  
“Don't mention it kiddo.”

***

Hank called home when they arrived in the hotel in Washington. Alex's words about fixing the make up still bothered him, and though Hank understood why Alex snapped like that, it still stung. It wasn't his fault that Alex was having an issue with his dad. Hank tried to keep the conversation light, but mom spotted his mood, like she always did. She asked a few questions, but when Hank avoided answering them, she let the matter drop. Hank was sure mom would demand answers when he got back, but right now Hank was glad mom understood that he needed space.  
  
“I trust you kiddo, remember that. Stay out of politics, and wear sunscreen!” mom said before hanging up.  
  
Hank wished he trusted himself the way mom did. Hank had seen the look on Alex's face when he had been talking with his dad. Alex was cooking some kind of trouble in that convoluted mind of his. It was always the same song and dance; Alex would plan something ridiculous, dangerous or plain odd, and drag Hank along with it.  
  
Hank just hoped he knew what it was, so he could prepare.

 

***

Nothing could've prepared him for this.  
  
Though, funnily enough, he has imagined a scene just like this during his more elaborate wank sessions.  
  
Alex Lehnsherr in his room, asking, no begging, to make out with him, right this second.  
  
Hank was trying to come up with something to say, but his brain refused to cooperate. He gawped at Alex, who didn't even notice, just prattled on and on how this was the best idea ever.  
  
“What the hell brought this on,” Hank finally managed to squeeze out of his mouth.  
  
Alex explained his theory how his dad was some unbelievable mix of grand, primeval evil and how that, naturally, lead to making out. On Hank's bed, Hank presumed, though he was afraid to ask any follow up questions, in case it meant he endorsed this ridiculous plan. He didn't! Even if he was considering it.  
  
Alex stopped talking and Hank realized he had been staring at him for a good while now.  
  
“You want me to make out with you in front of your homophobic, evil dad, in order for him to make a scene,” Hank summed up the situation, turning the sentence in his head. Nope. Didn't make sense any more than five minutes ago. “And you think your dad is homophobic, and evil, because... He flirted with Mr. Xavier, and now Mr. Xavier has a crush on him because of that?”

Alex frowned like Hank was the one who didn't make any sense here. “No no, listen, you don't know what sort of crap dad talks when no one can hear!”  
  
“You both talk a lot of crap,” Hank noted. “I thought it was a family thing. Like the way me and mom both stir our coffee clockwise.” Hank took off his glasses and rubbed his nose, a nervous tic that would forever ruin his career as professional poker player. Hank sighed and shoved the glasses back on, put the situation didn't get any clearer.  
  
“This is different. My dad says some vile stuff, trust me,” Alex muttered, staring at him with an odd look in his eyes.  
  
Hank frowned. “You know, it's perfectly normal to have a crush on your teacher.”  
  
“What? No! That's totally not it!”  
  
And then... And then.

Hank was kissing Alex Lehnsherr in his bedroom. The scenario was so unbelievable that Hank wanted to laugh, except Alex pulled him toward him and Hank teetered on the edge of his chair. Bit of toussle, and they found their balance, Alex halfway on his lap and clinging to his shoulders. The way Alex's fingers dug into his shoulder, and Hank had a flashback to that morning after drinking vodka, how mom mentioned the slippery slope. This was as slippery as a slope could get, the end of that slope probably a pit full of razorblades and rubbing alcohol but Hank didn't care. Alex was in his lap, warm and close and wonderful.  
  
There was a knock on Hank's door, a signal that mom was back home and her mom sense was tingling. Hank was sure she couldn't tune that mystical sense to know what exactly was going on, but Hank wasn't ready to take the risk. He was, after all, being kissed out of his mind.  
  
“My mom is back,” Hank managed to say in between kisses, but Alex didn't seem to hear him.  
  
“Is this a bad time to say I might not be entirely straight?” Alex said instead.  
  
“Hm. It's going to help your crazy scheme, I suppose.” Hank tried to push down his disappointment. Of course this was all a prank for Alex. Horrible, terrible prank.  
  
Instead going on another tangent about his dad, Alex said: “Fuck the scheme,” and tried to kiss him again.  
  
Hank dodged. “Wait. Seriously?” Alex wobbled in his lap and slid off, pacing around the room like he couldn't stop moving once he started.  
  
“Yes, seriously! We could try dating for real. Couldn't we? I mean, what's the harm, right?”

Hank stared at him, suddenly forgetting how to breathe, or blink, or speak. It was a strange out of body experience. There he was, asked out by Alex, whom he had just kissed for a good five minutes or so, who was still in Hank's bedroom and who didn't show any signs about leaving. Mom's knock was a ten minute warning, then it was all maternal anger and safe sex talks all over again from here to eternity, and Hank didn't know how to make his brain work enough to let Alex know about the imminent danger.  
  
“Since when are you at all interested in dating me,” Hank asked. A valid question, he thought, but Alex looked baffled, like it should've been obvious.  
  
“Since half an hour ago, on the basis that you know to fucking kiss, okay? I'll make it worth your while, come on. Movies, dinners, you name it, you got it. I've a condom fund now.”  
  
He seemed oddly proud of that fact, and Hank wondered idly how big that fund was, and if it would cover a dinner, a movie, lube and condoms, and the fancy kind on all four categories. While his brain did the math, his mouth went: “Fine. IMAX. The nature movies.”  
  
Hank blinked. That was a bold move from his mouth. Oh lord, he was turning into Alex with these blurts. It was like a virus. Maybe you could catch it from the kissing. They should study the phenomenon some more.

Alex perked up like a puppy spotting a new ball. “Yes! Fine! Tomorrow night?”  
  
“I don't even know if they are playing anything,” Hank said, a feeble attempt to backpedal without Alex noticing.  
  
“I'll think of something else then,” Alex said, beaming again. “You are not half-bad looking, you know?” He leaned to give him a quick peck before Hank had a chance to form an objection. “I'm gonna be a gentleman and leave now. Bye.”  
  
Alex sneaked out to the hallway, and Hank leaned to watch him slip out from the front door and into the darkening evening.  
  
“Something you want to tell me, Henry?”  
  
Hank sighed. Supposedly mom was feeling charitable tonight, after getting her moonscape painting finished yesterday. Hank turned around slowly. Better have this over with.  
  
“I think I'm dating Alex,” Hank said, and closed his eyes in preparation to inevitable explosion.

Instead, there was a long silence. Hank peeked and found his mom staring at him expectantly, like waiting for him to continue.  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“I assume there's more to the story than just that,” mom said. “This calls for hot chocolate. Come along then.”  
  
Hank followed her to the kitchen, dutifully bringing the cocoa powder, sugar and cinnamon to the table, while mom poured the milk in the saucepot to heat it up.  
  
“So. Alex asked you out, or you asked Alex out?”  
  
“What difference does that make?”  
  
“All of it,” she said, bringing the steaming milk to the table with two cups. “If you asked, I will be thrilled and go on about the perfect restaurants and call your dad to wire you some more spending money, but if Alex asked, I have to ask what the hell is going on?”  
  
Hank spooned the cocoa into the hot milk.  
  
“So which one is it?” mom asked.  
  
“The 'what the hell is going on' variety.”  
  
“Ah. Damn.” Mom sat down and sighed. “What's going on, Henry?”  
  
“Why are you acting like I'm about to ruin my life? It's just a date mom, not the end of the world,” Hank said, getting defensive.

“It might be, in your limited experience,” mom said. “You've had a crush on that boy since the second grade, and I know, I know, you don't want to talk about it, but a date with him? Is he even serious about it? Because you don't know how easy it is to get hurt with something like this.”  
  
“We are just going to the movies, no big deal,” Hank muttered. It wasn't that he hadn't thought the same. Alex was...Alex. And everything what that entailed.  
  
“And the difference to any other time you've gone to the movies is... What? Hand holding? Kissing?”  
  
Hank felt the blush creeping up, and tied to very hard not to think about kissing Alex, just in case mom had developed impromptu mind reading skills. Not that she needed that skill, when she knew how to make scary accurate guesses.  
  
“You've already made out?” Mom peered closer. “Just now? Henry!”  
  
“Just a kiss! To try it out! It's not a big deal!” It sounded silly, even as he was saying it.  
  
Mom scoffed. “Not a big deal? Give me a break. Kissing has always been a big deal for you. I don't want to spoil this for you, if you are sure that this what you want, but are you absolutely sure that he isn't stringing you along? He is not a smart enough to consider how you feel.”  
  
“I know, mom. I don't think he's that serious, but... It's Alex. I just want to know how it would be like, going out with him. Even once. You know?”  
  
“I understand.” Mom sighed again, taking a sip of the cocoa. “You'll be careful? And try to keep your head, right? And if he tries to pull the Carrie on you, sidestep the blood bucket and punch him in the face, then call me. I'll come over and punch him too. Deal?”  
  
“You need to stop watching scary movies at night, but deal.”

 

***

The date started great, on Hank's limited experience. Alex chose a restaurant where food was served on actual plates, not wrapped up in a paper ready to go. Food was delicious and there was no uncomfortable silences, plus Alex didn't go off to any long rants about his dad. All in all Hank was having a great time, all the way up to the movie.  
  
It was about sharks, which in any other time would've been fine choice, except this time it instantly triggered Alex's imagination in the worst possible way. And made Hank think about the blood buckets, which somewhat ruined the mood for him. So he tried to focus hard on learning something about sharks.  
  
Shark on the screen was exhibiting the text book hunting behavior, when Alex leaned in to whisper in his ear: “That, is Mr. Xavier. Right now.”  
  
It was not the type of thing Hank had secretly hoped Alex to say. The kissing in the dark movie theater just ten minutes ago had been rather promising, so Hank had let the little hope kindle in his heart that Alex might not be pulling some epic prank after all.  
  
The shark on the screen attacked, as shark were inclined to do.  
  
“And this is my dad and Mr. Xavier. See what we're up against?”

Hank wondered if he should tell Alex how Hank's mom also saw this same scene unfolding, except the role of shark was played by Alex himself, and the role of hapless seal fell to Hank. Though, Alex might not appreciate comparisons to his dad, even when the similarities were fairly obvious. For the rest of the movie Hank kept his mouth shut, except when kissing Alex. If the Blood Bucket was coming, he might as well have fun in the, metaphorical, prom first.  
  
The evening took a turn to worse from there. The walk back home was fine, Alex holding his hand and Hank didn't have to prompt him much either. It felt good, and for a moment there Hank indulged in the feeling that he was walking hand in hand with his boyfriend. It was silly, of course, and much too soon to think things like that, but Hank didn't care. He didn't want to be in the Seal & Shark movie, he wanted to be a leading man in a romance, and that included a stupidly handsome boyfriend in your arm, and no blood of any kind.  
  
They talked, something light and easy, and Hank would've been happy to stay walking like that until the sun came up, just like the last time, but unfortunately much too soon they were standing in front of Alex's place.  
  
“Wanna come in?” Alex asked, looking tense but trying his best to hide it.  
  
“That depends. Is your dad in?” Hank asked, the last stitch effort to make Alex reconsider and forget about his plan.  
  
“No, of course not.” Alex grinned, like this was the inside joke they had.  
  
“You are a horrible liar,” Hank said, and even though he should've, he didn't stop Alex as he tugged his hand, pulling him inside the house.

As Alex walked to the living room, Hank looked around and tried to see as much as he could about the place. He had always wondered what it looked like from the inside. Alex's dad worked hard and he was gone a lot, so Alex birthdays were spent elsewhere, and for some reason they always ended up at Hank's, Angel's or Sean's homes, never here. The place looked alright, if rather colorless and sparsely decorated.  
  
And then they were in the living room and Alex pulled him to his side. “Dad, I'm dating Hank.”  
  
The reaction was mild, compared to Hank's mom. Alex's dad shrugged, obviously disinterested, and offered them a cookie.  Alex kept holding on to his hand and Hank didn't want to be the first to let go.  
  
“He's really dating you?”  
  
Hank realized that the question was directed at him and nodded, Alex's dad staring at him like a curious specimen under the microscope glass.  
  
“I. Um. Yes?” Hank took a deep breath to calm his nerves. “We went out tonight.”  
  
“Obviously.” It didn't sound like they were convincing anyone here. But it was the same point mom had made, if he thought about it. What was the difference them going out last week, and tonight? World of difference, if you asked Hank, and Alex's dad had asked him.  
  
“On a date,” Hank felt the need to add and tried to look at Alex to let him know he was sorry for not coming up with anything better.  
  
“Next time try to come up with something remotely plausible.”  
  
Alex held his hand tighter. “What the fuck is your problem?”

“You expect me to believe the nerd would date you? Honestly? With the kind of porn you can hack on the internet you'd go to the movies with Mr. Vanilla Is A Legitimate Kink?”  
  
Hank felt insulted. Obviously Alex's dad didn't realize that Hank could research the crap out of any topic known to man, and that mom had a book about bondage. It was art photographs, but still! That counted. If anyone here was vanilla, it was Alex, with his dinner and a movie date combo. How  fifties was that?  
  
Before Hank had time to say any of this, the argument had already escalated and Mr. Xavier had started to usher him toward the door. It was the deep seated instinct to do what a teacher told him to do, so when Mr. Xavier said: “Hank, I'll walk you home, shall I?” it didn't even occur him to say no.  
  
“Stay right there!” Alex yelled, but since Hank wasn't sure if that was meant for him, Mr. Xavier or Alex's dad who had also gotten up and stared after Mr. Xavier, Hank decided to let it go.  
  
“Call me later?” he said before following Mr. Xavier out the door to the fresh night air. His head felt woozy, like he hadn't breathed in for a long time. Good thing Mr. Xavier seemed to remember where he lived and gently steered him in the right direction.

“Don't take it too hard out on Alex, I think that moment there had more to do with them than you,” Mr. Xavier said, but Hank wasn't ready to talk about this with his teacher of all things, so he simply nodded. “I hope you had a nice date.”  
  
“Thank you Mr. Xavier,” Hank said and stopped in front of his house. “This is me.”  
  
“Oh, good. Well then. Take care, and I'll see you in class?”  
  
Hank nodded.  
  
“Are you quite sure you'll be alright?” he asked, but Hank didn't know how to answer that. Too philosophical. Luckily mom was suddenly there, like she had been standing by the window all this time. She took his arm and gently pulled him toward the door.  
  
"Thank you, Mr. Xavier was it? I'll take it from here."  
  
"Of course Mrs. McCoy. Good evening."  
  
"Good evening."  
  
Mom took him inside, squeezing him to her side, like he was still small enough for that to work. It felt familiar, comforting.  
  
“There's left over chinese food and ice-cream waiting for you,” mom said. “We'll have a nice evening, and this won't look half as bad in the morning.”  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
"Don't see any blood, so that's good. Do you want to talk about it? Or me to go punch someone?"  
  
"No." Hank turned and hugged mom as hard as he could. She hugged him back, hard as she could.  
  
"There, there. It was just a date, not the end of the world."  
  
Hank hiccuped a sob. "Feels like it."  
  
"I know. But you'll make it through. I trust you, kiddo."  
  
Hank straightened up, taking a deep breath. "Want to know interesting factoids about sharks?"  
  
Mom smiled brightly, patting his arm. "Factoids about sharks, I would love to! This calls for some ice-cream."


End file.
